Hey
Facebook turned my life upside down today. Well, im being over dramatic. It just made me feel like i used to in primary school. Roll soppy stories and emotional revelations.
As a kid, i used to get a lot of slack at school. I guess everyone does but it was about my sexuality and i guess because i wasnt sure either back then, it got to me. It used to really make me beat myself up, and to an extent accounts for who i am now. For better or worse. It made me put up a bit of a shell, and shield of indifference to others opinions of me. Thats probably why a lot of people take me for an arrogant cock when they meet me, because thats the imagine that i try to project. Its confident and proud and self-assured. It began as a shield yes, but like they say ,tell yourself something enough times, and u begin to believe it, you can will something to become true. I became confident, got over the names and bullying, and straightened my ideas out. I can now honestly say, and those who know me will vouch for me, that i know who i am, and on most days i in fact like who i am.
But this morning a wanker, yes there is no other word, who used to give me grief way back when did it again. And i felt like that 10 year old. I felt like crawling into a corner and giving up. But i decided to do the opposite. To write this, to bring it all out. To bare my proverbial soul... So to everyone who ever called me a gayboy, this is for you. Think what u will of me, you are not my friends, and ur opinions couldnt matter any less. My sexuality is not an issue, take from this what u will, id rather keep u guessing anyway. Makes me seem more interesting. I dont hate you, you are indifferent to me, this is the rant that expels my demons and reduces you to mere history, to part of why i am who i am, but never who i am.
Thank you everyone who on the contrary has affirmed my faith in humanity. This post is for you, for bringing me happiness. I love you.
Signing out.
Cesar
Facebook turned my life upside down today. Well, im being over dramatic. It just made me feel like i used to in primary school. Roll soppy stories and emotional revelations.
As a kid, i used to get a lot of slack at school. I guess everyone does but it was about my sexuality and i guess because i wasnt sure either back then, it got to me. It used to really make me beat myself up, and to an extent accounts for who i am now. For better or worse. It made me put up a bit of a shell, and shield of indifference to others opinions of me. Thats probably why a lot of people take me for an arrogant cock when they meet me, because thats the imagine that i try to project. Its confident and proud and self-assured. It began as a shield yes, but like they say ,tell yourself something enough times, and u begin to believe it, you can will something to become true. I became confident, got over the names and bullying, and straightened my ideas out. I can now honestly say, and those who know me will vouch for me, that i know who i am, and on most days i in fact like who i am.
But this morning a wanker, yes there is no other word, who used to give me grief way back when did it again. And i felt like that 10 year old. I felt like crawling into a corner and giving up. But i decided to do the opposite. To write this, to bring it all out. To bare my proverbial soul... So to everyone who ever called me a gayboy, this is for you. Think what u will of me, you are not my friends, and ur opinions couldnt matter any less. My sexuality is not an issue, take from this what u will, id rather keep u guessing anyway. Makes me seem more interesting. I dont hate you, you are indifferent to me, this is the rant that expels my demons and reduces you to mere history, to part of why i am who i am, but never who i am.
Thank you everyone who on the contrary has affirmed my faith in humanity. This post is for you, for bringing me happiness. I love you.
Signing out.
Cesar
